Thursday, July 23, 2009

Scambling: When Losers Become Addicts


While I have no data to support the claim, I suspect that most victims of Sweepstakes fraud get scammed once and that's the end of it. When they realize they haven't won millions, and that a package containing their prize check will never arrive, they stop paying bogus fees.

Sadly, a small group of victims become cash cows who can't stop giving milk. For these individuals the impulse to pay becomes so strong that it morphs into a compulsion I call "Scambling."

Though technically not gambling (gamblers at least have a chance to win, and their behavior is occasionally reinforced by payoffs), the parallels between Scambling and compulsive gambling are striking.

Take, for example, my father's irresistible urge to send cash to the con men, which bears all of the hallmarks of compulsive gambling, namely:
  • Large losses
  • Denial
  • Lack of impulse control
  • Overestimation of the odds of winning
  • Clandestine activity (secret phone calls, and money transfers on the sly)
  • Disregard for the harm losing does themselves and others
  • Belief that they'll be vindicated, when they hit the jackpot
To me, nothing comes close to explaining my father's behavior as well as does addiction. What but an addiction would you call it, if a loved one sent money eighty-six times, to twenty-five strangers, in three different countries, with a hundred different phone numbers, and thirty different aliases?

Whatever it is, I sure as hell wouldn't call it a sweepstakes.

4 comments:

  1. You are so right about everything. It has been my Mother-- who has recently been diagnosed with a dellusional psychosis of "winning millions". She may also have a mild form of Dementia as well. Now my father, he stays out of it (never speaks to the crooks from Jamaica) and goes along "trusting" that my mother knows exactly what she is doing, and believes her! Now, he has just been diagnosed with Alzeheimer's! He has short-term memory loss and confusion. To make things worse, I did not find out about this until the second week of March! This all started somewhere the end of Dec. 08. (I live out of State).

    Now, everything is frozen. However, my Mother is contesting everything!
    I have done everything possible, to protect them, and help save the farm. She hired a $$$ Attorney and went to court in July for an allowance of $1000.00/week for "food"!! NOT to pay bills, (the bank is) and the "judge" allowed it! I guess that's more money for the crooks in Jamacia! My GOD who uses a thousand a week on food? She also remains to still be speaking to these asses and sending money, hence part of that thousand/week. I have a "temp" bank attorney and trustee handling the finanaces and a "temp" guardian at liem for my parents. I also hired an attorney back in April to get things moving. The "Temp" guardian at litem has still not been allowed in my parents house because of my Mother. She always cancels the appointment. He has attempted several times. However, she must allow him prior to August 5th. This date will determine when a hearing/trail will be set. I do not have to fly up there for that.

    I will have to face both of my parents when that date is set. According to the latest, it may end up in a trial.

    For me, I do not know how I am going to find the strenght. I am alone handling all this, lost a part-time job, been trying to start my own business, and all of this crazy family dynamics/scam. I was once very close to my Mother as I am her only daughter. I feel grief/sorrow- as if I lost her. I just can not believe all of this.

    I am very thankful for this Blog (SOS) as he relates to what I am going through right now. I just (wish) I could go on with my life. This has affected me mentally and physically. I have no siblings, or family members who are helping me.
    My parents were hard working farmers and successful. So many moving parts as well than just the scam that is involved here as well!
    Thank- you for sharing.
    Warm regards, Deborah

    ReplyDelete
  2. Deborah,

    I'm positively gobsmacked that the judge signed off on a $1000 per week allowance for "food."

    You're probably way ahead of me on this, but I would talk to your lawyer and see if they can contest the ruling, with the help of the bank attorney. As interim trustee of your folks' finances, they should be able to calculate a reasonable monthly budget, food included. Whatever the case, you will need evidence (as in proof that $1K is excessive) to have any chance of reducing the allowance.

    As for your mother refusing to meet with the Guardian Ad Litem (court-appointed attorney to represent your mother's interest), that could be to your advantage, as it is imprudent to refuse counsel in her situation. To my way of thinking, that would be further proof (of which you have plenty already) that your mom is impaired and in need of a guardian.

    Concerning your sorrow, grief is both natural and appropriate in your situation, because you have suffered a loss. Specifically, the loss of a relationship the nature of which you will likely never have again. The best hope I can offer is the possibility - however seemingly small - of an improved, but different kind of relationship with your mother, when the dust settles.

    Though I have been down the road you're on, I won't pretend to know exactly what it's like to be in your shoes, since every pair is unique.

    Hang in there, take one day at a time, and - if you don't have one already - get yourself a support group, even if you have to build it from scratch.

    SOS

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  3. Deborah,
    You are not alone in you suffering. My mother raised my brother and I all while teaching us to work hard, pay our dues, and help others. Now I face taking her to court on Wednesday for Guradianship. Wouldn't it be easer to say fine and walk away but we know that they have been taken and abused. Like any addiction we need to stand by the ones we love and care about - who once did the same for us. SOS has been very helpful in educating us in this area of senior exploitation. We have benefited by his "walking down the road" ahead of us. Stay strong and remind yourself that you are doing the right thing. You are in my prayers.
    Hope

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  4. Brandy,

    I recently composed a post on our family's conservatorship experience. I will go ahead an publish it, on the chance it may contain something useful to you.

    SOS

    ReplyDelete